Sometimes people say things that hurt you... deep down in your soul. More painful than most physical damage. Life is full of obstacles and things that cause us pain, but I have come to the recent realization that these "things" have a name, and they are teaching tools. They are called "trials".
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"
James 1:2-4 New International Version
So, in essence, the trials we endure are only to strengthen our bond with God... this which we call Faith.
Today, I spent much of the day reading from the Study Bible which was given to me by Lifechurch.tv. Everything I read seemed to go with things I have felt, or feel. It was like validation for my soul. I know that no matter the choice I make, what religion I choose, as long as I choose Jesus Christ as my savior, the Lord, and the Holy Spirit, hand in hand with Jesus, I will find a place in Heaven. Also in this "journey", I know that those who truly love me will accept my decision, and support it.
God is good!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Sometimes you have to get down to the nitty gritty
Yesterday, I was sitting in my chair in the living room, making cigarrettes, and watching a movie. Suddenly, out of no where, I got this urge to go to the lake (Lake Erie). It wasn't just anywhere... but a specific park. So I gathered my camera, batteries (because my camera goes through them so quickly), notebook, pop, and other misc. things, and headed off, with a slight explination to my husband. I passed at least 2 other parks on my way to this park, but I just had the urge to go to one that had a beach. One that I could feel the sand in my toes, while hearing the water lapping. Since moving to Cleveland almost 10 years ago, I had never seen the sun set on Lake Erie.
My urgency mounted as I got closer to the park. I was suprised at how many people were there. It wasn't cold, but it wasn't hot either, and Lake Erie can get mighty cold. Even during 100 degree days, the water is cold. People were swimming! Anyway, I parked my car, grabbed all my stuff and a blanket from the back of our SUV and headed down to the beach. It was amazing. I felt so at peace. I watched the birds walk in the sand, I watched the sun tumble in and out of the clouds, I watched children splashing, I heard gulls crying, I heard drummers practicing and chanting, I felt closer to God than ever.
Why I felt so close to God at this exact place, I don't know. Possibly because this is where people can converge as one. While I was there, I saw at least one pair of every "population", well almost every "population" in Cleveland. I saw whites, blacks, hispanics, gays, straights, kids, adults, seniors, tourists... There was no fighting. Just everyone, side by side, minding their own. I saw senior acting like children, spashing in the waves. I saw teenagers attempting to do handstands. I saw large people and skinny people, both scantily clad, both beautiful in their own right, feeling comfortable in their own skin.
I found another place, as the sun was setting, similar to a pier. Men were fishing. Children were laughing. People were eating ice cream. Sailboats were coming in for the night. It was simply amazing.
My urgency mounted as I got closer to the park. I was suprised at how many people were there. It wasn't cold, but it wasn't hot either, and Lake Erie can get mighty cold. Even during 100 degree days, the water is cold. People were swimming! Anyway, I parked my car, grabbed all my stuff and a blanket from the back of our SUV and headed down to the beach. It was amazing. I felt so at peace. I watched the birds walk in the sand, I watched the sun tumble in and out of the clouds, I watched children splashing, I heard gulls crying, I heard drummers practicing and chanting, I felt closer to God than ever.
Why I felt so close to God at this exact place, I don't know. Possibly because this is where people can converge as one. While I was there, I saw at least one pair of every "population", well almost every "population" in Cleveland. I saw whites, blacks, hispanics, gays, straights, kids, adults, seniors, tourists... There was no fighting. Just everyone, side by side, minding their own. I saw senior acting like children, spashing in the waves. I saw teenagers attempting to do handstands. I saw large people and skinny people, both scantily clad, both beautiful in their own right, feeling comfortable in their own skin.
I found another place, as the sun was setting, similar to a pier. Men were fishing. Children were laughing. People were eating ice cream. Sailboats were coming in for the night. It was simply amazing.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Ok, so its not all creative writing
They say dimes are signs from angels. Well, today, I don't think that is so. I think the signs from angels also come in the form of a Susan B. Anthony coin. Let me rewind a moment.
A couple of years ago, my husband and I moved down to Cincinnati. While there, we had our share of bad luck, or "trials from God" as some would put it, but we made it through. Please do not take that as a mockery, I truly do believe that we have to go through trials and tribulations in order to strenghten our bond with God. Alas, I am getting off point.
The summer we were there, despite the trials we were experiencing, we went to some local school festivals with my dad, step-mom, and brothers. At these festivals, there would be blackjack. I guess because it was for charity, the gambling was ok. Anyway, the payout for a blackjack was 1.5. This meant, if you put in $1, you got back $1.50. The fifty cents was always in the form of a half dollar. My dad would throw them to me, telling me to put them in a bank for my future children.
I went to the local dollar store and purchased a cheap (but truly) piggy bank. I glued the bottom in place and wrote on the side "BABY BANK, NO PENNIES PLEASE" and placed the coins inside. From then on, if someone got an odd coin, a half dollar or dollar COIN, it would be placed in this bank. Not much has gone into it, since that summer a couple of years ago.
This evening, I was going through our change dish... well old pickle jar that now contains change... and while digging for quarters, I found a Susan B. Anthony coin. It was as if God had smiled down on me, telling me that my troubles were going to ease up. For anyone who knows me, my life is in a state of financial ruin. We got a telephone call shortly before my finding from my brother in law, asking to move in, in exchange for 3 months of rent and utilites. Although this has never worked before, I have faith that this time, somehow, it will. I just hope this hiring freeze where I was offered a job is lifted soon.
My trials have not been easy, but each day my love and bond with God grows. This is my life. God is good!
A couple of years ago, my husband and I moved down to Cincinnati. While there, we had our share of bad luck, or "trials from God" as some would put it, but we made it through. Please do not take that as a mockery, I truly do believe that we have to go through trials and tribulations in order to strenghten our bond with God. Alas, I am getting off point.
The summer we were there, despite the trials we were experiencing, we went to some local school festivals with my dad, step-mom, and brothers. At these festivals, there would be blackjack. I guess because it was for charity, the gambling was ok. Anyway, the payout for a blackjack was 1.5. This meant, if you put in $1, you got back $1.50. The fifty cents was always in the form of a half dollar. My dad would throw them to me, telling me to put them in a bank for my future children.
I went to the local dollar store and purchased a cheap (but truly) piggy bank. I glued the bottom in place and wrote on the side "BABY BANK, NO PENNIES PLEASE" and placed the coins inside. From then on, if someone got an odd coin, a half dollar or dollar COIN, it would be placed in this bank. Not much has gone into it, since that summer a couple of years ago.
This evening, I was going through our change dish... well old pickle jar that now contains change... and while digging for quarters, I found a Susan B. Anthony coin. It was as if God had smiled down on me, telling me that my troubles were going to ease up. For anyone who knows me, my life is in a state of financial ruin. We got a telephone call shortly before my finding from my brother in law, asking to move in, in exchange for 3 months of rent and utilites. Although this has never worked before, I have faith that this time, somehow, it will. I just hope this hiring freeze where I was offered a job is lifted soon.
My trials have not been easy, but each day my love and bond with God grows. This is my life. God is good!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Start
My husband suggested I post some of my poetry & creative writing. I haven't written in a while, so I am going to begin with older poetry. These poems were written in late 2001, early 2002. America had just experienced 9/11 and it was still fresh in my mind. Both of these pertained to that attack. Please enjoy and feedback is appreciated.
Untitled
Softly she whispers,
Through the night.
She is proud and bold,
It took years to build her,
And she is not easily broken.
She is in many hearts,
You can try to take her away,
But some of us cannot be broken of her.
Patriotism is alive!
Patriotism cannot be stolen!
Patriotism cannot disappear with one attack!
She is alive in America!
Dear Daddy
Dear Daddy,
Why didn't you stay home?
Mama cries every day,
Since you've been gone.
Why did you have to go to work?
Me and sis miss you,
We wish you didn't die.
Why did you have to be buried?
THe family misses you,
We wish you were here.
Why did you have to help others?
I know they needed it,
But we need you too!
Daddy, the other firefighters' kids,
They miss you too,
The whole country applauds you,
For helping those people,
But daddy I'm mad -
YOU LEFT ME!
Untitled
Softly she whispers,
Through the night.
She is proud and bold,
It took years to build her,
And she is not easily broken.
She is in many hearts,
You can try to take her away,
But some of us cannot be broken of her.
Patriotism is alive!
Patriotism cannot be stolen!
Patriotism cannot disappear with one attack!
She is alive in America!
Dear Daddy
Dear Daddy,
Why didn't you stay home?
Mama cries every day,
Since you've been gone.
Why did you have to go to work?
Me and sis miss you,
We wish you didn't die.
Why did you have to be buried?
THe family misses you,
We wish you were here.
Why did you have to help others?
I know they needed it,
But we need you too!
Daddy, the other firefighters' kids,
They miss you too,
The whole country applauds you,
For helping those people,
But daddy I'm mad -
YOU LEFT ME!
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